I wanted to get so much done this week. Instead I feel like I've accomplished nothing. The routine things were done. I worked. Children went to school. Activities were attended. Food was cooked. But all the Other things I do, that I want to do, was left neglected. A week ago, I thought I felt that old energy coming back to me. I thought, Now, I will connect again. I didn't.
Where I should I find my creativity, I feel only sadness, anger, even hate. I have second-guessed so many choices, so many thoughts and decisions. In the end, though I think I should have chosen something else, I didn't. This is what it is.
I don't mean to sound so dramatic. I don't want to. I want to find that energy I used to use, to write these posts, to think about my characters, to create new worlds.
I'm going to keep searching, because I have to, I must. I have decided on a path to help me and I hope it really will. What I think it means is that I not only have to dive deep, I have to dive apart.