I've been working on some short stories. Below is the beginning of one that I have completely re-written. I recently read and thought it was awful and I wondered what I was thinking leaving it like that for so long. I suppose I hadn't looked at that particular beginning in a while. I was more focused on the ending. If the beginning isn't good though, how can I expect a reader to make it to the end. Below, I know it's better than what I had before, but is it enough?
Cool morning light streamed in through the glass doors and floor to ceiling windows. The rough whip of shirts, as I shook them free of packing dust and smacked them onto the rolling folding table, was the only noise that broke the silence. I looked at the beauty of the day, my jaw clenched. I wanted to walk out the glass doors to somewhere else. My retail job had become comfortable and stale. I yearned to make a difference somewhere, but I didn’t think it could be here.
The glass doors broke open, a young man walked into the store. He was attractive, possibly my age, not one of those middle-aged businessmen and women I had gotten used to seeing in the mornings. I noticed him and smiled. Neutral smile. The smile of greeting that I give to all customers. He seemed generally pleased by it, as any other customer would. I took it as just another moment in a day that I expected to be uneventful.