Sunday, April 29, 2012

A Little Bloody Today

I did some writing.  A short story I got the idea for about a month ago.  It was March and it was unseasonably warm.  I don't know why this came to me, but it did.  It's been itching to make in onto paper. 

Below is a sample of what I wrote.  It's around the middle of the second page.  It definitely needs to be edited, but I hope tone is right.

The mother fell to her knees, confused, gripping the stroller and her eldest child.  She could feel the blood leaving her body.  She was losing focus. Her daughter’s tears soaked her face.  Her son continued to cry, but she knew it was a cry of fear, not of pain.

The pealing tires of a car brought her thoughts into focus.  She needed to call the police.  She tried to let go of her daughter, she didn’t want to hurt her, but the little girl wouldn’t let her mother go.

“Mommy!  Mommy!”  She felt Keira being pulled away from her and she held on to her arm again.

She looked up.  The woman with the dog was there.  She was saying something, but she couldn’t hear her.  Keira clutched at her mother.  She watched the woman moved to the front of the stroller.  She was looking at Evan.  The woman let out a sigh.  She was checking Evan and he appeared fine.

The mother’s grip was weakening.  The blood leaving her body was taking her strength.  The stared at the woman, her dog following dutifully at her heals.  She finally noticed something; there was a phone at her ear.  The woman with the dog was talking to someone, describing the scene, telling them how much blood was covering the sidewalk.

I'm not sure about the ending.  Should the readers find out what happens to the mother?  Should I just have her taken away?  I'm not sure.  Should the villain be caught?  Should this be a short, eight page story, or something that keeps going for twenty?  I don't know.  I just know that it'll be on my mind until it reaches its conclusion.

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